I had a noisy mind, one that could be likened to the loud sound of clashing cymbals with no rhythm and soul. I shut a lot of people out of my territory, I couldn’t be bothered about the outside seeing as I was barely managing the noise on the inside. It was important to me to feel the silence on the outside. On the days I felt isolated, I would go into a room full of people and just sit. I allowed their noises drown whatever I was battling in my mind.
What do I mean by noisy? My thoughts!! Full of questions composing of how, why, when and doing this often led to a dead end. I was always trying to figure out a way out of an existing problem or a problem I projected was bound to happen. Can you imagine living that way? I was busy building up walls to shut everyone out, and keep myself safe. Sadly, I never realised I had become a prisoner to my thoughts. I had shut myself in as well. Occasionally, watching movies, TV series, and eating ice cream would give me temporary relief but as soon as that was over, it was back to square one.
I was confused about what the future held for me, how would I get there from this place I was, what did l need to do, who was I supposed to talk to, my mind wandered back and forth about many things, and some days I wondered if living was real or just a myth. I had a bad complex instituted in my mind that you could have it easy when your pedigree is strong, your family background is great, and things like that. I had none of these so it terrified me the more. What would happen to me?
I never realised how negative and toxic l had become to myself. I never said nice things to myself, I just judged myself unworthy of anything good. I would believe for others but resented whatever blessing came my way. On a particular day, a close friend gifted me “The Battlefield of the Mind”. I recommend this book to everyone. God used this book to open my eyes to the state of my heart, and I wept at how much I had held myself in, and imprisoned God’s plan for my life.
When you judge yourself unworthy, you imprison Gods plan for your life
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. The reason my mind was, and remained noisy was due to unbelief, and lack of trust that had made its nest in my heart. I wanted to be in control of my life. I never trusted anyone because I had been disappointed, and let down a lot of times even by myself. I was young, naive, and I let these thoughts take over me anytime a situation required trust most especially in God. My unbelief was the cause of it all, the confusion, the wondering, the wandering, the doubts and the fear.
Romans 12:2: So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Now, I know only one way out of a noisy mind. Believe you are not in control and make a concise decision to trust God, especially when it does not make sense. I learnt carefully, and is still learning to believe in what God says he will do, that takes the pressure off of you and places the burdens on him. As you do this, his peace will begin to flood your mind, body and soul. As you let go, you will make peace with yourself, with God, and what it truly means to be a child of God.
Do not become so well adjusted to the truth of the culture or that everyone thinks this way and acts that way. We can not control our thoughts but we do not have to act on its impulse every time or do its bidding. Bring your mind under the submission of God and watch what he will do. Be nice to yourself, appreciate yourself, forgive yourself for past wrongs, stop trying to figure out your future, refuse to judge yourself unworthy, do not settle for less, great things lie ahead of you. You become unstoppable when you believe that God is on your side, and that in the end, you win.